Summoner Winfred's Late Night Talk Show
by Delusian
Summary: Following the demise of the Journal of Justice, residents of Valoran have been clamoring for news (or gossip) concerning the celebrated members of the League. In response, the critically-acclaimed summoner Opera Winfred has put together a talk-show in which sought-after champions are interviewed (interrogated) for the sake of "entertainment". Hilarity ensues.


**Don't own anything. **

**I was pretty reluctant to upload this at first, but whatever. #yolo **

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**Summoner Winfred's Late Night Talk Show**

Following the demise of the Journal of Justice, residents of Valoran have been clamoring for news (or gossip) concerning the celebrated members of the League. In response, the critically-acclaimed summoner Opera Winfred has put together a talk-show in which sought-after champions are interviewed (interrogated) for the sake of "entertainment". Hilarity ensues. This is written for shits and giggles. Don't take it too seriously.

**The Cardmaster and the Outlaw **

Guests clamor almost impatiently into the dim room. In its center is a stage and empty spotlight. Voices are hushed, apprehensive, and suddenly, a slim man with well-groomed blonde hair walks into the light, teeth flashing brightly as he smiles.

"Good evening, people of Valoran. As you should probably know already, my name is Operah Winfred. On the off chance that there's some of you who don't know me, I'm a summoner, and if you ask around, you'll know I'm pretty damn good at what I do." He smiles again, causing some of the females in the audience to quietly swoon.

"Alright, enough about me. Let's talk about what this is, what you're here for." Winfred begins pacing on the stage, his expression becoming slightly serious. "As most of you have noticed, the Journal of Justice has been tragically cancelled. The Institute might have more pressing matters to worry about, but we all gotta admit, that is terrible news!" He looks around at the audience for dramatic effect.

"I mean, how else are we supposed to hear about our beloved champions? How else are we supposed to know about the going ons of Runeterra? Well, my dear Valorans, that's what you're here for, because I, Operah Winfred, will right a horrifying wrong. This, my dear people, will be the first ever champion-centered talk show in the history of Runeterra itself, and if you give this show high enough ratings, will also be the predecessor to the now extinct Journal of Justice."

With that, the audience bursts into cheers, many of the female members once again swooning, albeit not so quietly this time.

Operah holds up a hand. "Don't get too excited yet, my dear people, because now I'll be welcoming our special guest for tonight onto the stage. People of Valoran, please put your hands together for the elusive Cardmaster, Twisted Fate!"

Stepping away from the center of the spotlight, Operah reveals a brightly glowing portal on the floor. In a burst of magic-infused light, the Cardmaster appears, arms spread and signature hat poised. The two shake hands, exchanging polite greetings as the cheers from the crowd slowly dissipate.

Two minions run onto the stage, carrying couches, which they then offer to the champion and summoner. As Operah and the Cardmaster take their respective seats, the first episode of Summoner Winfred's Late Night Talk Show begins.

OW: Tell me what it's like to be a favorite among Summoners.

TF: Well, it's nothing really. I mean, it's not as if I asked for it.

OW: I guess nobody actually does. But even so, what's it like to dominate the Fields of Justice every time you're summoned?

TF: Satisfying. Very, very satisfying. It takes hard work and tons of strategizing with your summoner to achieve results like that.

OW: Wow. I remember I spectated a match you competed in. Your team didn't look good, I mean, your opponents had already pushed to your inhibitors and Nexus turrets.

TF: Hm, I'm not sure which one you're talking about. I've had many matches like that.

OW: Well, I recall how Graves from the enemy team was fed to the brim, and while his team was pushing, you had already teleported to their exposed Nexus and started damaging it.

TF: **laughs** Oh right, I think I know what you're talking about now. I threw my Wild Cards as much as I could, but it was the Lich Bane that saved us.

OW: I remember. That was very impressive.

TF: **laughs again** Thank you. By the time they realized I was at their Nexus, it was too late.

OW: Yeah. Graves and Warwick tried to recall, but your friendly Orianna gave her life to distract them.

TF: She did, but she realized later it was worth it.

OW: It definitely was! That was an amazing save!

TF: **smiles **Thank you again, Summoner. Maybe we should collaborate some time.

OW: We should. Trouble is, I often use Graves, and I'm not sure he'd be too happy if I started working with you.

TF: **eyebrows raise and smile disappears** Really now?

OW: Yes, really. Speaking of which, would you mind telling me what the situation between you and your ex-partner is at the moment?

TF: What do you mean?

OW: Are you two still doing bar fights? I heard Gragas mumbling about those scenes many times before.

TF: **mouth grimly set** No, we don't. Besides, he's probably tired of me beating him every time he picks a fight.

OW: **eyebrows rise suspiciously** Really now? That's not how he sees it.

TF: Really. He's just jesting.

OW: Ah, I see.

TF: …

OW: **turns to audience** Well, ladies and gentleman, what do you think about this interview so far?

Crowd: Great!

(Suddenly, a man stands up)

Random person: Cardmaster, are you still dating that blue woman Evelynn?

TF: **goes slightly red** I was certain everyone knew I'm not anymore.

OW: And why is that?

TF: It's complicated.

OW: As complicated as your relationship with Graves?

TF: …

OW: Did he make a good partner?

TF: I suppose so.

OW: Then why'd you sell him out?

TF: Because my new abilities are worth more than he is.

OW: Hey, I guess teleportation is pretty cool, but he was a pretty good friend, right?

TF: **chuckles slightly** Well, I suppose he was.

OW: **face brightens dramatically** Well, now THAT was the silver lining I was looking for. **turns to audience** My dear people of Valoran. You know what this means?

(The crowd shouts no, or at least most of them anyway.)

OW: This means… *Winfred's grin stretches impossibly* they still have a chance of reconciliation!

TF: **eyes widen in realization** What-?

OW: People of Valoran, ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for the Outlaw!

(A puff of smoke briefly obscures the audience's vision of the stage. A bulky man appears, wearing a creased tweed suit and scraped leather shoes.)

Graves: **almost shyly** Hello Winfred, audience. **turns and sees Twisted Fate** Wha- what in tarnation is HE doing here? **angrily glares at Winfred, then stares daggers at his ex-partner**

OW: Have a seat first, my dear Outlaw.

(A minion scurries on stage, giving Graves a chair)

OW: As the Cardmaster admitted himself, you two were pretty good friends, no?

Graves: Wha…hey, I thought this was a one-to-one talk show! This wasn't part of the bargain, I didn't ask for this.

TF: Oh quiet down, _Malcolm. _You just admitted you knew this would be a live talk show_, _yet you still arrive in that ridiculous suit.

Graves: **says defensively** Hey, these are the best I have. Unlike you, I never gave a horse's ass bout looking purdy.

OW: Now boys, go easy on that language please, there are children in the audience.

(Actually, there's none. It seems that kids these days would rather be spectating matches than watching pointless talk shows.)

Graves: Doesn't matter. I'd like to leave now.

OW: Sorry Graves, I can't let you do that. You'd disappoint all of Valoran, you know that right?

Graves: What in-okay. You know I'm a goddam champion of the League, right? I can do whatever the—

OW: Once again, I'm sorry. Under laws passed by the Institute, once you have agreed to an interview from me, you can't back down.

Graves: **completely shocked** What the %*&$? Are you $**%ing kidding me? What kind of a *(#tty law is that? Now why in world would the Institute pass such a law?

OW: **calmly and condescendingly** Because I'm one of the most influential Summoners of the League. You should know that by now.

Graves: I trusted you before! You were my Summoner almost more 'an I could remember. Why in the world would you lie to me now?

OW: Sorry Graves, but Valoran calls for it.

Graves: **Looks speechless and mumbles under his breath** Goddam Summoners.

(Twisted Fate, who had been sulking in his chair ever since his partner appeared on stage suddenly spoke up.)

TF: So how long would I have to endure this?

OW: Until you two make up, of course.

Graves: **Looks about to explode, but is stopped by the loud clicking of heels on the floor**

(Everyone turns toward the sound, most of the audience irritated by the interruption. However, the clicking has no source, and yet continues to grow louder and louder. Suddenly, a blue-skinned woman clad in a tight fitting sequined dress begins to materialize in thin air.)

TF: **voice contemptuous** Evelynn.

Ev: **purrs** Why hello, darling.

TF: **Looks angrily at Winfred **Did you invite her?

(Winfred, who looks uncertain for the first time that night, starts feeling uneasy.)

OW: No.

(Evelynn walks towards Twisted Fate, then brushes her finger along his chin.)

Ev: Long time no see, Cardmaster.

TF: Not long enough.

Ev: **turns towards Graves** Why hello…I didn't see you there for a second. **A wicked grin appears on her face**

Graves: What in tarnation are you doing here?

Ev: Simply to observe…I gather I won't be disappointed.

OW: **looking nervous** So, uh, Miss Evelynn. I think you might need to le—

Ev: **face shows a hurt expression** So soon? Do you think the audience would like that?

Same random person from before: Hi hot blue lady! Can you stay here longer?

OW: Okay, seriously. Who is that guy? Hey, mister, **points at the guy** please, you need to sit down. If you interrupt again I'll have to—

Ev: Oh, but he's right. It's impolite to not offer a chair to a lady, isn't it?

(An exhausted minion drags a seat for Evelynn onto the stage)

Ev: **to the minion** Thank you dear.

TF: Evelynn. You need to leave.

Ev: **hurt** Why, I just came.

Graves: **looks between the two** Hey, I thought you were dating.

Ev: Oh, dear. Someone's not on top of things… **smiles smugly**

TF: I don't want to hear about it, Malcolm.

Graves: **laughs loudly** Thought so.

Ev: **pouts at Fate** I'm so sorry darling. I don't think your adoring fans deserve to be left in the dark about the two of us now…what about you?

OW: **suddenly curious** Left in the dark? Can you elaborate on that please?

Ev: Yes. As you probably know already, my lovely Summoner, I ended my relationship with Fate here quite a while ago.

TF: …

Graves: Ho ho ho! This is getting good!

Ev: But I don't think any of you know _why _I did what I did…

Random guy (again): Do you want to be with me? I'm not that bad looking—

OW: **facepalms** Oh my g—Security! Please escort that man out!

(Two stereotypically burly men haul the person through the exit)

Random guy: I'll have you sneak up on me any time Evelynn!

Ev: **laughs modestly** Oh my, getting ahead of yourself there…

Graves: You were saying, Evelynn? **Looks smugly at Twisted Fate, who stared stonily at the woman**

Ev: Well, Graves. When I implied you weren't on top of things, I _know _you were _never _on top of things…

OW: What?

TF: …

Graves: Huh?

Ev: But I knew who was...and it certainly wasn't you now, was it?

TF: Hey.

Ev: **cooing at Twisted Fate** I'm sorry, darling, but did I disappoint you? Did I never…satisfy your…_tastes?_

OW: **face blank** What do you mean satisfy his tastes?

Ev: He put on quite a show in public, what with the tango and all…but in private? Hmm, I think he never had a thing for blue-skinned _women…_

TF: Evelynn!

Graves: …O.o

OW: Wait. **turning to Twisted Fate** Is she saying you were never attracted to her at all? But…I saw the pictures! Heck, I even saw you two together. And besides, how could you not want…_that…_

TF: …

Ev: **smiles slyly, almost predatorily** Just ask his partner, or should I say, _ex _partner…?

Graves: Hey, I've got nothing to do with this! I might hate that bastard, but I wouldn't sink so low as to break them up!

OW: **completely dumfounded** Hm? Then how…?

Graves: I swear! I didn't even _know _they weren't together no more!

TF: Graves had nothing to do with it.

Ev: **licks her lips slowly** Are you absolutely sure…darling?

TF: Yes.

Graves: **stands up** What the hell? I don't care what the godforsaken Institute says, I'ma leavin'.

OW: Hey, Graves—

Graves: No. Nothing you say will change that, Winfred. I won't stand here and take accusations of something I _didn't goddamned do._

TF: Holy—Malcolm you stubborn ass. Always making a goddamned scene.

Graves: And you always make a goddamned show. Well you know what? You'll make a goddamned show of things when I'm finished with ya. **Graves punches his fist into his palm.**

Ev: **laughing gleefully** I'm sure he will…Malcolm.

OW: …What?

TF: Evelynn, can you _please _just—

Graves: **stares blankly at Evelynn**

Ev: **Looks briefly towards the audience, then smiles ominously** I mean, he _has _before, after you've _finished _with him…am I right?

Graves: …

TF: …

OW: …

Crowd: …

Somewhere in an isolated prison, a plump man sat in a crowd of inmates, staring at the dumbfounded faces of Winfred's audience through his blurry viewing orb. Priggs shakes his chubby fist at Graves and Twisted Fate's stupefied visages.

"I knew it…I goddamn knew it!"

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**Okay that probably wasn't funny. But again, #yolo. **


End file.
